Be still, and know that I am God

But that is SO hard sometimes!

I am not a "still" person: I'm not good with inactivity and silence. I'm active and talk a lot.

Sure, there are times when I take a step back and take a break: I love a day in the sun at the beach or a nice bath at the end of a long week (or day!).

But, I don't know that there's ever really a time when I ever allow myself to be still. I'm always thinking about the next assignment, the next day, the next thought. Even if I'm not physically moving, my brain is walking me through my day, my week, my month, my year, my life!

I am overwhelmed by this lately. I am caught in between a place of really desiring that stillness, and having a hard time overcoming the thoughts that are in my head and the expectations that are on my day.

Sometimes, my activeness and ability to express myself have proven helpful and have produced wonderful things in my life: I think about my study abroad experience in college, my job at New Hope and my desire to follow my call into ministry and to do it in California. Those were all "right." They were/are all good things.

So, in some ways, I don't really want to stop being active: especially when it comes to achieving my dreams.

So, why do I feel so overwhelmed? Why does life seem so insurmountable sometimes?

Because life doesn't go as we prescribe it!

If I look back at those wonderful things I mentioned above, getting to those points wasn't easy and things weren't always wonderful while I was doing them: I was very homesick when I studied abroad, my job at New Hope was very demanding physically and emotionally and studying in California means leaving Massachusetts.

But, I look at them overall with such pride and happiness.

So, I'm certainly not calm, and I'm struggling sometimes to get through the days. But this line from Psalm 46 has been running through my mind - and every time it does, in that moment, for those brief seconds, I'm calm, I'm still, and I remember that God "is" - is in my life, is with me in that uneasiness, is working for me as I am working for God.

So, I'm going to try to be still and remember God's presence in my life.