Wednesday, January 1, 2014

New Year, New Journey

I love my body.

I...love my body.

I love...my body.

I love my...body.

I love my body.

No, I'm not vain (at least I try not to be). No, the truth is that the above statement is false. I don't love my body. I don't think I have ever loved my body.

Whether it has been struggles with weight, hair styles, glasses, braces, big feet, big hips, wide knuckles, broad shoulders...I feel like I've criticized, picked apart, and cried over it all. Over the years, I've found many ways to hide the things I find most appalling about my body...including having a big personality so that that is what people would notice, and not my body.

And, the frustrating part, is that I feel like I've tried to do things about it: I first started dieting in 6th grade, trying to get my weight to match that of my friends. I've gone to the gym. I was an athlete as a child and can still hold my own on the Frisbee turf. But nothing ever seemed to "work."

I hated my body, and so any time I ran on the treadmill or ate an apple instead of a potato chip, I was doing it to get rid of the body I hated. And, the more it didn't "work" the deeper and deeper I would sink into the hatred of my body. At this point, I feel like even my big personality isn't able to hide my insecurities. I don't look forward to big events because I don't look forward to seeing pictures of myself and I dread the process of picking out what to wear...it sucks!

I don't want to do this anymore! I want to love my body! I want to exercise because I love my body. I want to eat well because the body that I love will be best served by a healthy diet. And, ultimately, my faith teaches me that my body really is a gift from God to be loved and cherished.

In some ways, I know that my hatred of my body is on me; but, I also recognize that some of the hatred I have for my body is on society, culture, and even religion. So often, the message we hear is that bodies are bad, bodies cause trouble, bodies are dirty, bodies need to be controlled. It's a skewed message, it's a harmful message, and it's not a message I want to perpetuate in my life and lifestyle.

I want to love my body.

And so, this is my New Year's Resolution: to love my body.

I don't know if it will work, but I want to try. And, I want to try to love my body emotionally, physically, and spiritually.

It's going to be a journey, and I'm so excited to see what it will bring.

I'm going to try to blog about my journey here...for those of you who may read this, your prayers of love and support a greatly appreciated.

Happy New Year!